I Decide…

I decide to return to where I first began.

Where simplicity of worship was heart felt and personal.

To the place where all I knew, all I did and all I wanted

was centered on who He is.

I decide to return alone, because that is how I started.

I return to long walks talking to my friend who would hear me and heal me in the same moment.

I return to The place where no group dynamic was more important Than the quiet interaction where only my friend and I spoke freely and understood completely.

I decide to return here, daily. It is a decision I make every single morning and one I make when I lay down at night; and he meets me here.

He still loves the way I walk, and talk and laugh, even though I am clumsy and awkward.

He finds me fascinating in ways that no one else ever has.

He likes me, and I cannot take my eyes off of him. He believes I will make a fine man someday, because he once told me so.

I have missed this Place. I somehow forgot how to get here. He thinks my songs are brilliant…even though poorly sung.

He says my writing is magical…and gives me ideas for future writing. No one else gets to see what I show him, or hear what I tell him and he has promised to tell no one.

He likes my voice. This morning, I heard him… quietly calling me to comeback to the place…come back to the place where we are friends. He says nothing will hurt me.

I will continue to come back here,and I don’t want anyone but him to be here.

I cry and he watches,and hears, and holds and encourages.

He does not think I am stupid,Or broken, or fat, or lazy or crazy.

He actually likes me. (big smiles) Most times even the people I work with don’t even like me. But he does.

Even with all of my mistakes and ugliness and hidden shame… He thinks I am quite a masterpiece. I just can’t believe it. I am safe with him I have not been safe since I lost my way here, but I am safe here now.

I am telling you,the day is coming when I won’t leave here ever again. When I won’t go back and forth.

He told me, “Let’s do that today.” So, that’s what I’m doing…I’ve decided to return where I began and I am seeing it again…for the first time. This time, I’m staying. He said to tell you, He’s waiting for you too, and wants for you to find your way back…he said He misses your voice and loves your face.

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